I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
