He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
