I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
you made out with another girl for some wings
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
