I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
it was like his penis was on wheels.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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