Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
