why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Why is your signature on my underwear?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
