I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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