everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
