is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
