my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
