Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
