I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
