If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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