a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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