What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
