i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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