did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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