You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
