Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
