If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
