Just fell off a train. Bad.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
