The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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