here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
