it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
