I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
