Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
It's never too late to be topless.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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