the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize