Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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