I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
