dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
