hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
