it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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