I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
