when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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