Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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