I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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