The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
