a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
