I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
