I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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