I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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