Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
