Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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