i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize