I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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