Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
