Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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