I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
