She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
