I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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