i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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