I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
