I heard we made out
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
wow bdsm is so cute
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
