I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
