Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
