It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
