I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
