Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
