You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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