please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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