oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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