I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
