I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
