So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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