Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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