I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
