Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
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