and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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